Letters
by Queenie and Kate
Summary: Mimi's having some problems with Roger, and her usual advice person isn't really anywhere to be found. Updated: 091604 The rest of the story!
1. Mimi

**Letters**

By: Queenie and Kate

Hey Baby,

This would look crazy to anyone who saw me. I'm writing a letter to a dead boy. I don't know what to do, though, you've always been my best friend. And now, I have to go to _Maureen for advice. Now, *that's* a good plan._

Mi Dios, I miss you so much! It's crazy, people don't think you can miss your friends like this. Obviously, they never had a friend like you. You were more than a friend to me, you were a sister and I loved you. (Still do, I can't think of you in the past-tense.) It went deeper than friends, deeper than sisters, deeper than love… But you know that, darling.

Remember that year—I think it was a year after we met, because I was clean-ish and Benny was around—that you convinced me to have a Halloween party in my apartment? You know, I really did want to all along, I just felt like I had to protest because you _always got your way so easily! _

I was… goodness, what was I? Was that the year I forced you to make me the Renaissance Lady costume? I think so, because I remember being all proud of my "cleavage". (I still didn't have much, even with the corset/bustier!) We met Mark that night too… lol, he finally connected me to that night, he always said that he though he knew me from somewhere other than the Cat Scratch. I was just thinking about the whole party, because it's almost Halloween again.

That's not why I'm writing the crazy letter though. Just… remember how you always told me, when I was mad at someone, I should write a letter to them? (Yes, and I _did listen to the 'don't give it to them' part.) Well, I couldn't do that, he would have found out somehow or found it or… But you always used to let me "release" my tension to you, so I thought maybe I could do that now. I'll just have to burn it afterwards._

Things with Roger have gone to the shits recently. I don't know what happened. He's started denying he's my boyfriend again… just like on the first New Years after Benny… I don't know what happened or what people said to him this time. And, honestly, I'm a little pissed off! He's obviously got something up his ass, how can he just ignore me and treat me like this? We're supposed to be a couple, he's supposed to be a good guy, how could he justify doing something like this to himself? He has no right to deny me!

I don't know what to do Angel… God, I wish you were here to help me. I miss you, baby.

Love Always,

Your

**_Mimi Marquez_**


	2. Angel

**_  
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Girl!

It's good to hear from you, I miss you! But enjoy your life, no one has enough time to live. Halloween's great, that year I was a pussy cat. Hehe, do you remember my boyfriend's reaction to that? My goodness, too much fun!

Honey, you deserve a prince and if Roger can't measure up, enroll him in a boyfriend course. Maureen can make Joanne teach it!  That would be far too amusing, because you know Joanne would be all seriousness and "this is how to be a good boyfriend"ish.  It's a great plan.

And you can always write to me, I loved that letter! Roger's always had problems and he's probably closed off, so talking to him probably isn't an option at the moment. Just give him room, and have fun with the girls, spend time on yourself… you need it.  And Roger… he's always loved you, even while going through his ass-hole stages and… sometimes there's a reason for them, don't give up on him yet.

Here's nice, but… well, it's not Earth, and I miss people. Write again honey!

Love,

**_*Angel Dumott Schunard*_****_ :)_****__**


	3. Mimi

**_  
_**

Angel?

Okay, I know that, logically, Angel didn't write me that letter because, well… yeah. It's impossible. But… I also don't know how whoever wrote that letter to me knew what I wrote to Angel, because I burnt the letter after I wrote it and…

Shit, what kind of person would do a thing like that anyway? Write a letter pretending to be my dead best friend? It's sick.

But… I'm gonna pretend it was from you anyway, because it made me feel better to write the last time and… it's always so easy to pretend.

Angel, how could I just 'leave him alone'? This is Roger, that's not an option. As mad as I am at him for acting like a prick, I still love him… I'll always love him. You know that. Even when he told me he could never be with someone like me and to get out of his life, I loved him. 

I'm pathetic.

I just wish I knew _why he was being so prick-y. It hasn't stopped since I wrote to you and I can't think of what… I'm really starting to think it's something I __did and I don't know what that was and I don't know what I could have done, I've been being good and…_

He's stopped spending every night with me. I mean… we still have sex _every night and it's good, but… he doesn't stay afterwards every night. It's not all the time, but often enough to hurt me, he'll get up and go back to the loft. Angel, when we… we're supposed to be a couple and I just want to fall asleep in his arms afterwards, but it's a little hard to do that when he gets up and practically sprints away from me right afterwards._

Angel, why doesn't he love me anymore?

Anyway, um… maybe I shouldn't… It's Halloween tomorrow, Maureen's making us have a party. She said it was what you would have wanted, that you wouldn't want us to sit around mourning you. Still, it's the anniversy… I think Maureen just wants an excuse to dress in that slinky little 50s starlet thing she has. But, um, yeah… I'm going as a cat. Like in Cats. Can't wait for Roger to see, I've been working so hard on the costume. 

Roger is probably going as an angsty rock star… He's never been too great with costumes. *wink wink* Anyway, we'll see. Besides, the angsty rock star thing would probably be pretty sexy.

Love Always,

Your

**_Mimi Marquez_**

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	4. Angel

**_  
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Honey, remember the time we met? You were wearing the red dress with the awesome shoes. Ooh, and remember my secret obsession with the Backstreet Boys that I only told you about? I'm real and I'm here, and you being a pyro is how I get your letters.

I didn't say you should leave him, but… focus on yourself for a week, he has his reasons and, yeah, just wait to see if he comes around because he may, Keep loving him, just relax, Girl. You get wound up, and this isn't necessarily about you, there are other things going on in his life, you know he has baggage. And that, along with the fact that you take things personally, is a bad combination at times.

Falling asleep in a guy's arms is great, mmm? I miss that, and I'm sure you'll have that again. Roger will come to his senses, and him being an idiot isn't necessarily him not loving you.

Maureen's right. Damn, I vowed never to say that, but she is. I don't want you to be upset, I miss you. You all deserve to be happy, sweetie. 

Oh goodness, Roger _is horrible with costumes, especially that time he was drunk and they put him in a skirt, he does ****__not have the legs for it! I want to hear about your cat-ness though!_

Love,

**_*Angel Dumott Schunard*_****_ :)_****__**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours. Never ours.**

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	5. Mimi

  


Holy shit…

I don't know how this possibly happened but… God, it is _so good to talk to you, I miss you so much, Baby!_

Anyway… Halloween really was a lot of fun. Maureen rented a car and made us all drive out to the suburbs and go trick or treating. I have lots of candy now! My costume turned out really well, you should have see Roger when he first saw me… jaw on the ground. ;) He ended up going as Ramses from Aida (Mo made him), it was hilarious! He was freezing, the poor boy.

God, _so much fun. Maureen (in her 50s dress, bleached blonde curly hair, can't believe she didn't just get a wig) forced us all to listen to the Aida cast recording all the way there and back… By the time we got to whatever little place she took us to, Roger was singing Ramses part at the top of his lungs and I was belting right along with him. Wish I could get him to go out there, audition, make something out of the time he has…_

I'm sorry. I'll just… uh… recount the costumes. Because, I don't know what else to say and yeah.

Me: Cat (obviously. I was the red one, it was fun! Maureen kept telling me I was too short to be the red one and pushing down on my shoulders and calling me "Pip" and stuff, but it was okay.)

Roger: Ramses/The sexy man he is

Maureen: 50s starlet, or something.

Joanne: I'm not entirely sure, something Maureen dug up for her… I remember hearing the words "One legged prostitute", but I don't think that's what she was. Maybe some crazy form of a witch or something?

Collins: Oh, goodness, they got him in drag! It was hilarious!

Anyway, I… it was a good night, an amazing night, Roger actually acted like a boyfriend. I wish I could have frozen time, just stopped my life then and there and kept us like that for forever.

But, things are shitty again, he's being such as ass and… know what? If he wants me to leave him alone, I _will. Absolutely alone. It's more than the fuck deserves._

Wanna know a secret? (I know, random switch of subject, but I'm just busting… I have to tell someone!)

…

I'm pregnant! Your little baby-girl Mimi's gonna have a baby!

Love Always,

Your

**_Mimi Marquez_**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.**

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	6. Angel

**_  
_**

It's good to talk to you too, Girl! Glad you finally believe me!

Trick or treating? Lol, I can just picture that, the poor little kids I'm sure Maureen scared to death. And Roger's reaction was hilarious! I haven't see him like that for months, he's absolutely nuts about you, you know. I can see him as Ramses, and not wearing a lot of clothing in the cold isn't a lot of fun. 

Am I right in guessing that Roger was complaining of "shrinkage" the entire time?

(And which one of you put my Collins in drag?  Because him in a dress isn't a pretty site so whoever made him look less sexy than he is, is in big trouble!)

You're pregnant… That's fantastic, honey, but don't leave Roger alone completely. As, yeah, you grew up without your dad and it's not fair to exclude him from his baby's life, hon. He loves you, he just needs time.

Love you,

**_*Angel Dumott Schunard*_****_ :)_****__**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours. Never ours.**

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	7. Mimi

  


Angel Baby…

No. I know you know "best" and I've always taken your advice before… but I can't do it. I can't tell Roger about the baby. It's my baby and… I don't know how to explain it.

Roger's all…how am I supposed to tell him? He's barely around anymore except for… except for when we screw! And you've basically told me that he doesn't want me to… I don't want to force him, to bind him to me, he'll probably think I got pregnant on purpose to 'keep us together'. How can I give him time, we're supposed to be…?

I can't do this to a baby, Angel. I can't give her a father who'll just run, who'll float in and out of her life, just bringing trouble and crappiness and screwing everything up wherever he does. Better for my baby to think that her daddy was just… I don't know. But I can't do that to a kid, I can't involve someone like Roger in her innocent little life.

I don't know, Angel. I'm basically a single mother already, I'll just have to get used to it. I'm not gonna tell anyone, I'll raise my baby on my own.

Love Always,

Your

**_Mimi Marquez_**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours. Never ours.**

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	8. Angel

Don't tell him then, but let him figure it out for himself. Mimi, you want him and running away isn't going to do anything but hurt you both. It'll just make you miserable. I know you don't want to bind him to you with a chain around the leg, but you can't ignore the fact that it's his baby too and it's not fair to exclude him from that.

I didn't tell you he didn't want you. I said he was confused and conflicted and probably doesn't know what to do. He loves you underneath it all, sweetie, he always has and… don't waste a minute of the time you two have together.

Mimi, life is short, none of us have enough time. Don't do something you'll regret.

Love you,

**_Angel Dumott Schunard_********__**


	9. Mimi

Come on, Ang, this is Roger. We both know that he won't "figure out" I'm pregnant, he'll probably just think "Wow, Mimi's really getting fat" or something.

I do want him to be my baby's daddy, I lied before. I want him to pay attention to me, to be here for me… I haven't seen him for _six_ days. Angel, I've gone up to see him and he won't come to the door. I'm four months pregnant and… he doesn't even know. He won't let me tell him, even if I wanted to.

Angel, please tell me what's going on. I know you know what's going on with him and you don't want to tell me because 'it's not your place'. This has happened before, I know what you're doing. But, please Angel, it's killing me, tell me why he won't… He just won't. Won't be a boyfriend, won't let me love him, won't even let me touch him anymore. Angel, please…

I'm sorry, I don't want to make this depressing. I'll… uh… I'll talk about the baby. (She and Roger are basically all there is to my life right now.) Thank God I'm past morning sickness now. I only had it for about a month, but I had it bad. A couple times I wasn't even able to go to work, and I worked at the Cat Scratch at _night_. (I'm not working at the Cat Scratch anymore, I'm too fat, so I'm working at a bookstore now.) I got an ultrasound the other day, the technician kept asking me why I didn't wait to bring the father with me, and telling me how I should have waited until he was off work to make my appointment. I didn't know what to say, how do you explain to a complete stranger that you didn't tell the father about the baby because he had been acting all prick-y lately? You don't. I just stuttered, then cried and then they got me a different technician. I am such a little brat.

I wish you could see the picture, Ang. They printed me off a picture, the baby is going to be absolutely gorgeous. I'm such a first time mother, the ultrasound is tacked up on my fridge.

The baby started kicking a while ago too—it's the most amazing feeling, knowing that there's this little life inside me and she's healthy and… I think she misses her daddy. She only _really_ started kicking once Roger stopped coming. The baby throws a temper tantrum whenever I try to sleep, she's got such strong legs for such a tiny…

I think she's scared of being alone too.

I love my baby. I hope her daddy knows how much I love _him_, I'm not even choosing names until he… I don't want to do it alone.

Oh God, Angel, I don't know what to do! Fix me, please, make things less crapped up, for the life of me, I don't know what to do!

Love Always,

**_Mommy and Baby Marquez_**


	10. Angel

**_  
_**

Honey, Roger will recognize the fact that you're pregnant, he's not stupid. Roger loves you more than anything, sweetie. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he does. I mean… it didn't seem like he was interested the first time you met, and he was. Mimi, I can't tell you, I… _he __has to, I can't but he loves you and don't run away from him, Mimi. Trust me, please._

Kicking? So cute, what are you going to name her? Or are you going to wait to choose? I hope she decides to let you sleep soon, since that's only a _little bit necessary. It's good you have a job that'll give you parental leave, take advantage of that and all the medicines the hospital has for you. _

Mmmm, I should read your entire letters before responding, you're going to wait for Roger with the names… Honey, you're going to have to tell him, you need him to know because the fact that he doesn't is just making you more and more upset and you deserve better.

Love,

**_*Angel Dumott Schunard*_****_ :)_****__**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.**

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	11. Mimi

  


Angel,

I'm sorry, I haven't written for a long time, I just… I'm… Roger's in the hospital. I… God, Angel, he's so sick. We've been here for three weeks and he's not improving at all, he just keeps getting worse and worse and… God, he was so sick when we brought him in, because he just wouldn't let us take him to a hospital before then and… It's AIDS related pneumonia. He didn't even seem surprised that he was sick, that it was so bad, when they told him…

I'm so scared, Angel. I'm scared my baby won't know her daddy, I'm scared he'll never know how much I care about him… I'm scared to lose him. God, Angel, we've been together for three years and I barely survived the last time I lost him, how am I going to do this? Knowing that this time it's fucking permanent? 

This is the first time I've left the hospital in a week, I'm terrified he'll… I'm terrified something'll happen while I'm gone. Mark made me go home, he promised he'd call me if anything changed, he made me promise to get some sleep. I can't sleep, what if the phone rings and I don't hear it and I don't get to say goodbye to Roger? 

They don't like me at the hospital, they're all petrified for me, I can tell. They look at me, and they don't want me staying with him and they keep on telling me that I'm going to get sick and that I have to rest or I'll lose the baby and… Why do they have to do that? Things are bad enough, I don't need them to keep trying to scare me away from the man I love.

Thank God he finally let me back in to his life. I wouldn't be able to… I mean, if I hadn't been able to make things right with him before…

He's not going to get better. He reminds me so badly of you during the last few… He only weighs 120 lbs now, it's not right on him, he looks like a fucking skeleton. I mean, I thought he was bad before we took him into the hospital. He actually let me sleep in the bed with him, he was skinny and sweaty every night and his bones always dug into me. I didn't think he could possibly get any skinnier but now… God, Angel, I'm seven months pregnant and I weigh 10 lbs more than him, and he's a foot taller than me and it's completely not right and…

I'm so scared, why is this happening? Why would they take him away from me like this? Things could have been okay, why would this happen now? 

We decided to name the baby Miranda Angel Davis.

Love Always,

**_Mimi Marquez_**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.**

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	12. Angel

  


I know, Honey… I know, and I'm sorry. Roger… he loves you, you know you'll always have that. Talk to Collins, he lost me and he's okay, make sure you have him and Maureen and Joanne… You're strong, baby, and you have to be okay this time because in two months you're going to have a baby to take care of.  Mark will help too; you know he loves you to death, Roger always told him to take care of you, sweetie…

Make sure he know how much you love him, tell him… The fact that you've been there for him says a ton, people are always so scared of getting hurt, but running away isn't going to make it better. Sweetie, don't give up, you've always managed to keep going.

Miranda is a beautiful name, sweetie.

Love you,

**_*Angel Dumott Schunard*_****_ :)_****__**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.**

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	13. Mimi

  


He's dead, Angel.

Oh God… I haven't stopped crying for four days, ever since he… I swear to God, I wake up and my pillow is just drenched. How could this…? I don't understand!

I was always supposed to be the one who went first, I did a crappy job of taking care of myself, I was always weaker, this wasn't supposed to happen. He was the strong one, I can't do it alone.

I wish I wasn't… I love my baby, but I don't want her to be… My baby's gonna be alone too, I'm not going to live forever. And I swear… if it weren't for Mark taking care of me, and being pregnant, I would be with Roger right now, I…

He got to die at home, and I'm a thousand times grateful to the doctor for that, he never wanted to die in a hospital. We… uh… we got married before we left the hospital, Collins set it up, found a real Catholic priest and everything… Roger could barely stand on his own, Mark supported him through the entire "ceremony" but we got married and then we went home and… I got to spend our last night together in the same bed as him. I wasn't supposed to, the doctor's would kill me if he knew, but…

God, I miss him so much. I mean… he was my _husband. My life._

Love Always,

**_Mimi Davis_**

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**Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.**

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	14. Roger

  


My Mimi, Darling Baby,

Mimi, I miss you too, but please don't cry. Go on with your life, take care of Miranda. I'm sorry I was an asshole earlier, I knew my T-count was dropping, and I thought if you could meet someone else and fall in love, you wouldn't have to watch me die… You didn't deserve to go through that and I didn't know you were pregnant then, I'm sorry, Mimi…

You can live, you have to, you're the one who has to take care of our daughter. I'm glad you have Mark, stay close to him. He'll take good care of you when you need it.

I love you Mimi.

~Roger

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**Author's Note: Well, this was an enjoyable story to write, a nice break from the monotony and stupid-ness of English class. Hopefully it was enjoyable to read as well. :D**

**Disclaimer: Still not ours!**

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